TITLE: SOFT LIGHT, CLEAR FOCUS AUTHOR: DONNILEE E-MAIL: Donnilee@snet.net WEBSITE: http://donnilee.tripod.com RATING: NC-17 CATEGORY: MSR CLASSIFICATION: POST-EP FOR "SOFT LIGHT" SPOILERS: Soft Light SUMMARY: Potential sudden death brings things into bright focus for Mulder. DEDICATION: Okay, this one goes out to Shelly a/k/a Peanut, who requested oral sex and a boob bounce test. Don't ask, just enjoy. Thanks for the ideas, Shelly. AUTHOR'S NOTE: You can find the other wonderful Fandomonium Smut Challenge Fics here: http://www.fandomonium.com/challenges/xffics/vss.htm DISCLAIMER: All characters used from the show, The X-Files are the property of Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions, and Fox Broadcasting. No copyright infringement intended. No money made here. THANKS: To my beta reader, FatCat, who is ever faithful in containing my idiocy with the English language. Thanks for all your support. XXXXXXXXXX FOX MULDER'S APARTMENT 42 HEGAL PLACE ALEXANDRIA, VA Fate has a cruel sense of humor. Sometimes I can't help but think that the universe, or some higher power in it, is seriously trying to tell me something and I'm just not getting it. I looked at Scully who was sitting on my couch next to me, reading a draft of her final report. "Do you feel like we let him down, Scully?" "Who?" she asked absently. "Chester Ray Banton," I replied, slightly annoyed. She looked up from her report. "What else could we have done, Mulder?" "I don't know. They took him away." "What were they supposed to do? Let him wander around vaporizing people? He needed to be placed in a secure environment." "And studied like a lab rat?" I asked. She was silent a moment and then said, "Mulder, if there is a way to cure him, it's going to be discovered by examining him." "And experimenting on him?" I added. She sighed loudly. "What do you want me to say? Science is the only thing that can help him." "Science is what got him into this in the first place!" I nearly shouted. She sat back on the couch, staring at me. "I don't know what you want me to say." I shook my head. "I don't know. I'm sorry I yelled. I just get so tired of these half-resolutions. Just once I'd like to help someone at the end of one of these goose-chases. "Sometimes we do. It just didn't work out this time, Mulder." "Where have they taken him?" "I don't know. I don't think it would be wise to go looking either. You need to let it go, Mulder. You'll drive yourself nuts with this." "Not a long trip, huh?" I asked in a deprecating tone. She smiled that close-lipped smile that made me feel so special. Her hand reached out and landed on my forearm. "I know you get upset because you care, Mulder. It's one of the endearing things about you. Sometimes though, we have to let it go. We can't solve all the world's problems. Sometimes, we can't even solve one person's problems." "I can't even solve my own problems," I said dejectedly. She scooted closer to me, throwing her report on the coffee table. Her hand moved to my back and rubbed gently. "We keep fighting the good fight, Mulder. Sometimes we win: sometimes we lose. That's the nature of the game." "I guess," I said. "I want to ask you something, and I don't want you to get mad at me." She stiffened slightly and removed her hand from my back. She clasped her fingers together in her lap and said, "Okay, shoot." "I know how much you love science. I know that you think it holds all the answers. You've said in so many words that there is nothing that science can't explain, only things we haven't discovered yet." "Yes, in so many words." "Do you still believe that?" She was silent so long that I didn't think she was going to answer. Finally, she cleared her throat and said, "In a broad sense, yes. However, I've learned to live with ambiguity a lot more comfortably than I used to. You've taught me to stretch my boundaries when looking for answers. Yes, I still believe in science, but I no longer think it's the only way to discover things, or the only way to explain things." "Take Banton for instance. He was dedicated to science, dedicated to Polarity Magnetics. Look where it got him," I interjected. She took a deep breath. "Mulder, in his case, he was playing with fire, on the edge of known science, and getting trapped in the particle accelerator was an accident. Unfortunately, accidents do happen." "Is it worth the risk? Is our need to know that great that we need to ruin people's lives in order to discover the truth? You know why they want to examine and experiment on him, Scully." "It's the only way to maybe help him get his life back," she said in a matter-of-fact voice. I looked at her incredulously. "You don't really believe that, do you?" "Why not?" "Scully, he's a walking weapon! Can you imagine what we could do if they discover how to make people into weapons! They don't need to be strong. They don't need to coordinated, or trained. They simply have to walk in the light of day and incinerate everything living thing around them! Don't you realize how dangerous that technology could be in the wrong hands?" I asked, climbing back up to my original level of exasperation with her blind faith in science and the people that wielded it. Her face crumbled. It was clear that she had never thought of this as the motivation for taking Banton into custody. It startled me. For all her intelligence and wonderful deductive reasoning, even after all we'd been through, she could still be frighteningly naïve about the world and the people in it. "You think that's why they wanted him?" "Of course," I said. "There's no doubt in my mind." "Well, I guess we can only hope that they fail, then," she said, sounding depressed. I reached out and brushed the back of my fingers over her cheek. "I'm sorry, Scully. I don't know why I'm being such an argumentative pig." She shrugged and tipped away from my hand. "What do you want to do about it?" she asked softly. I felt a wash of warmth flood my chest. Even after nearly insulting her outright, she was willing to follow me, right into hell. I had risked myself, and her, for a hunch, and it probably wouldn't be the last time. Not this time, though. "Nothing, Scully. Not this time. X has told me all he's going to. Even if I asked, I know he won't tell me anything else." "Maybe we could talk to Skinner," she began. "No," I said curtly, holding up my hand in a stop gesture. "Not worth it. I just needed to get my frustration off my chest. I'm sorry I'm such a downer today." "It's all right. I understand your point, I really do. It gives me something to think about. I do love science, but sometimes I have to ask myself why." "What do you mean?" "Do I love it because it makes the world easy to understand? Do I love it because I like to learn? Or do I really love it because without it I couldn't face the fear of the unknown?" she said quietly. She stood up and I stood with her. I grasped her shoulders and she turned toward me. I pulled her into a soft embrace. She seemed startled at first, but then wound her arms around my waist. "I have a confession to make," I said softly. "What's that?" "When we cornered Banton in the station and his shadow was coming toward you, I panicked." "Not so much that you didn't think to shoot out the light," she said. "Thank God," I whispered, my lips kissing the hair on top of her head. Then I tucked her head under my chin. I felt her shiver against me. She slowly turned her face up to look at me and I looked down, finding my lips a mere inch from hers. She swallowed noisily and I found it adorable. "What are you trying to say?" she asked. I met her gaze. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Scully." My voice was rough to my own ears. I saw wetness pool in her deep, blue eyes but no tears fell. "You'd do what you always do; hare off on a hunch and get yourself into trouble," she teased. I smiled widely. "It's odd how the strangest things can bring your life into focus." "What do you mean?" "In that moment, when I realized you could be vaporized in about two seconds, everything became crystal clear to me. Have you ever had one of those moments, Scully? Where you're extraordinarily lucid and your life is whittled down to the lowest common denominator? All the stuff you fret about on a daily basis seems totally trivial?" "You're getting pretty heavy on me, partner," she responded. "I guess I am." "So you were lucid. I'm sorry I missed it," she teased. Her comment startled a laugh out of me. Just when I least suspected it, she surprised me with her wit. "I'm sorry you missed it too," I said, laughter bubbling in my chest. Suddenly we were both laughing and our embrace loosened, but her arms remained around my waist. As our mirth died down, I focused on her face again and found her eyes staring back at mine. She was so beautiful with her cheeks flushed pink, her eyes wet with tears of mirth. "Aren't you going to ask me what I discovered?" I coaxed. My heart began to beat fast. Her right hand slid around to my front and landed over my heart. I knew she could feel my racing heart. Curiosity creased her brow as she peered up at me. "What did you discover, all without the benefit of science?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. "You sure you want to know?" "You push the issue and now you're going to hold out on me?" I took a deep breath. "You're more important to me than I ever could have imagined, Scully." She smiled. "You don't think I'm a spy?" "Not anymore." "You don't think I'm going to ruin you?" "No." "You don't think I hold you back?" "Of course not! You validate me in so many ways, I can't even list them." Her smile widened. "You're important to me too, Mulder." "As more than a partner?" I asked tentatively. She went still, her body frozen in place as she stared at me. I mimicked her pose, bringing my hand up to cover her heart. My thumb pressed on the bottom on her breast. She sucked in her breath in surprise. "Mulder?" "Answer the question," I begged. "I'm not sure what you're asking," she hedged. "Am I just a work partner to you?" I clarified. "No, you're my friend. At least from my end." "Just a friend?" I asked, feeling sorrow start to bloom inside me. She looked scared and confused. "Maybe more," she said shyly, looking down at my hand on her chest. "Maybe more? What kind of more?" "What kind of more are you talking about?" she fired back, clearly as reticent as I was to be the brave one. One of us had to be. I took a moment to remember the feeling that had enveloped me when I realized she was seconds from being reduced to ashes. In that moment, nothing mattered except preventing her from leaving this world. I honestly didn't know what I'd do if I lost her. I didn't think I could function normally without her anymore, if I ever had. I didn't think I could work alone anymore, and I certainly didn't want to work with anyone else. She was the first partner I'd ever felt I could trust, despite our vast differences of opinion. In that moment, I'd realized I was totally in love with her in a very unpartnerly way. What would it all mean without her? Nothing, that's what. I needed to take this chance. Happiness or disaster might be three words away. If it was disaster, I would at least know where I stood and not waste time wondering and pining for the years ahead. The longer I waited, the worse the let down would be if this all went bad. She looked at me again and then I felt her pull away. I slid my free hand to her lower back and prevented her retreat. "I'm in love with you, Scully," I admitted. I heard the tremble in my voice and cursed my cowardice. "Mulder, how?" she began. "I don't know. It just happened. There it is, for what it's worth. I don't really expect you to feel the same way," I said, trying to find a way to back out of this. She wasn't answering and I felt nervousness and embarrassment wash through me. It was my turn to try and back away. To my surprise, her hands whipped up to clasp the sides of my face and she pulled me down to her, crushing her lips against mine. I froze for a second, but then groaned as my mouth opened to admit her hot, wet tongue. It shot into my mouth, swirling around inside, sending shivers rocketing down my spine and stiffening my groin. I banded my arms around her and pulled her tight against my body, nearly lifting her off the ground. She stood on tiptoes and angled her head for a deeper kiss. Who was I to argue? She hadn't reciprocated my feelings, or had she? Was this kiss her way of saying she felt the same way? If she didn't, could I push her away? I honestly didn't think I could be that noble, but I had to try. I felt my groin throb and I pressed my hardness against her soft belly, eliciting a soft moan from the back of her throat. "Scully," I choked out between kisses. "Mmm?" she mumbled, but kept diving back into my mouth. I gripped her shoulders firmly but gently and set her away from me, using all my will power. She looked panicked for a second and then went limp. "I'm sorry!" she exclaimed. "No, Scully. Listen." "Don't make this worse, Mulder." "Scully!" I shouted. She locked her gaze with mine. "I've never wanted anything the way I want to make love to you." "Then what's wrong?" "How do you feel about me? God, that sounds so stupid. I need to know, Scully. I'm sorry, but before you break my heart, I have to know." She smiled, looking slightly embarrassed. "I guess I skipped that part, huh?" I blinked rapidly and sucked in a deep breath, trying to keep my emotions under control. "Please," I begged. "It's hard for me," she said. I nodded. "I know, but I need to know, Scully." She pressed her lips together in a tight line. "I don't know if I can say it," she blurted out. I felt tears sting the back of my eyelids and then heard myself ask, "Answer this then, yes or no. You know how I feel about you," I stated. She nodded. "Do you feel the same way?" "Yes!" she hissed. That was all I needed to know. It would have to be good enough for now. I pulled her to me again, cupping her rear end and lifting her off the floor. Her legs wound around my waist and her hands gripped my shoulders for balance. Her lips locked with mine, nearly staggering me with the jolt of arousal that shot through me. I walked in a shaky fashion across the floor and through the bedroom door. I deposited her gently on her feet. We slowly undressed one another, letting our hands roam. I didn't think I'd ever felt anything softer than her skin. I was down to my boxers when she reached out and slid her hands under the elastic. She slid to the back, cupping my ass cheeks and squeezing. My body pushed fully against her nakedness and I hissed in pleasure. "Is this a banana in your pocket or are you happy to see me?" she teased. "I'm so happy right now I can't even express it," I mumbled. I poked her belly with my erection and said, "He wants out, he wants you." She let out a bark of laughter and I smiled at her. With a flick of her fingers, my boxers pooled around my feet. Everything got quiet and I looked at her, slightly self-conscious now that I was fully naked. She was staring at my crotch. Seconds ticked by as she stared, her mouth slack, like she'd never seen one before. "Uh, Scully?" I croaked. XXXXXXXXXX NC-17 PORTION XXXXXXXXXX His nervous inquiry snapped me back to the present. I was literally mesmerized by the sight of his penis, tall and stiff, erect with need, for me. I sank down onto my knees and he gasped as my hand circled his girth, my fingers not meeting around his thick trunk. "Oh my God," I whispered, looking up at him. He flashed me a goofy grin and affection for him washed through me. "You like?" he asked. "You're so big," I whispered. "So thick." He smiled, the alpha male in him doing a happy dance that I was impressed with his equipment. He was a little longer than average, maybe seven inches. However, I'd never seen a penis this thick. Before I could stop myself, I leaned forward and slid my lips over his cock head. He moaned and I watched his eyes roll back in his head. The hot, silky hardness aroused me and I felt my nipples harden and my sex warm with moisture. "Oh God, baby," he muttered. I stopped in surprise and looked up at him. His head snapped forward, realizing what he'd just said. He looked afraid that I would be angry. I couldn't smile with my mouth stuffed so full but I tried to convey my amusement with my eyes. I slowly worked his shaft into my mouth, wanting to give him many surprises this evening. One of them was going to be my specialty, something not every woman could do. When I finally deep throated him and swallowed to work my muscles over his throbbing flesh, he wore a happy but totally stunned look on his face. XXXXXXXXXX The sight of her redhead between my legs was almost my undoing. Her lips were stretched wide around me and she began bobbing her head. I felt my body tense and my groans of pleasure began to fill the room. Without any warning, she grabbed my ass cheeks again and pulled me to her, burying her face in my groin, and sliding my steel-hard cock down into her throat. I yelped in surprise and felt my nuts spasm and harden, drawing up. I couldn't help pulsing my hips against her as she slid off and back down, never gagging. I was stunned and so shocked, it took a moment to respond. I wanted to come all over her, in her, but not in her mouth, not yet. I pushed feebly on her shoulder, my knees buckling and shouted, "Not yet, Scully. Oh Lord, stop!" It was too late. She hummed with delight and I was all done. "Holy shit! Sccuullyy! Oh no! I'm gonna come!" I groaned in pleasure and dismay as I felt my balls tighten even further and cum rocket up my shaft, coating the back of her throat. I squirted again and again, pulsing my hips against her face unable to control myself. I came so hard it made me dizzy. Her tongue swirled around my shaft and I staggered away from her, my cock making an audible pop as it extricated itself from the seal of her pouty lips. She was grinning like a Cheshire cat. I wanted to whoop with joy, and I wanted to cry at the same time. "Scully, I'm not a young man, you know." "I know, don't worry about it. I've been fantasizing about that since I met you, I couldn't resist." I looked at her incredulously and huffed with surprise. I knew I would need quite a bit of refraction time. I hoped I could get aroused again. It had been a long time. Could I even do it twice in one night anymore? I shouldn't have worried. "Your turn," I warned. She stood, chuckled, and turned toward the bed. I playfully grabbed her hips. "Where do you think you're going?" I asked. She squirmed, not really trying to get away. In the process, she bent at the waist, presenting me with a grand view of her spectacular derriere. I slid my hands up her side and cupped her lush breasts, one in each hand. I tested the weight, loving the sound of her moans. They were soft and silky in my hands. My fingers squeezed her nipples gently, feeling them bead up into hard points. I rubbed my palms over the bullet hard tips. She groaned, pushing into my hands. She went still, waiting to see what I would do next. I was soft, but pushed my cock against her ass anyway. I pushed her forward until her torso rested on the bed and dropped to my knees, pushing her legs apart. She gasped as I parted her with my thumbs. "Oh yes," she whispered. I love going down on a woman, and I was going to take my time with Scully, hoping to give myself time to build back up. If not, at least I could try to give her an orgasm this way. I wasn't stopping until I succeeded. XXXXXXXXXX After parting me gently, he probed deeply with his tongue. It slid everywhere, inside, over my lips, down to my clit. He sucked, licked, and bit me gently. I was so excited and felt the warm juices from my sex trickling down the inside of my thighs. He eagerly licked that up, too. His enthusiasm and intensity nearly overwhelmed me. I felt like I was being devoured and willingly submitted to his oral expertise. As much as I wanted to feel his cock inside me, I didn't regret the blowjob. I wasn't lying when I'd told him it had been one of my fantasies. If we were going to be lovers, there would be time to try everything. He slowed and his warm lips and gentle tongue caressed the saturated valleys of my sex. I felt a finger slip inside me and moaned at the feeling. I tensed my muscles and heard him suck in a deep breath. "So beautiful," he murmured. Then he was finger fucking me gently and licking again. He pulled my hips back so my sex was hanging off the bed, and I raised my ass high, giving him access. His lips slid down and found my clitoris. The angle was awkward but he managed to capture it between his lips and began sucking as he slid a second finger inside me and increased his thrusting. I shouted as I felt my abdomen tighten and my clitoris vibrate on his lips. He sucked harder and pumped faster. In no time, I was tumbling over the edge, feeling my muscles spasm and my hips jerk in delight. Then I was surprised again as I listened to him stand and felt the tip of his cock rubbing against my soaking lips. I couldn't believe he was hard again already. XXXXXXXXXX I couldn't believe I was hard again. Hearing her come, and feeling her muscles squeeze my fingers was so incredible, my cock rose to the occasion. If it felt that good on my fingers, I couldn't even imagine how good it would feel on my dick. I leaned over her back and slid my hands over her breasts as she rose up on her elbows, giving me room. I lifted them from below as she arched her back and made them bounce. "What are you doing?" she asked, clearly amused. I lifted them again and released, delighting as they swung away and back into my palms. "A bounce test!" I declared playfully. She began to laugh so I did it again and again. She raised her butt up and my cock slid along her slick folds. That ended my teasing immediately. "Ready?" I asked. "Yeah, let's do it!" "Let's lay down, Scully." She grunted, but lifted her knee to the bed and then slithered up onto the comforter, turning over to face me as I mounted the bed on all fours. I hovered over her and leaned down to kiss her tenderly, feeling my revived cock throb between my legs. "You want to be on top or on bottom?" I asked, wanting to give her the choice. I didn't know what she liked best, but I would learn. "I want you on top this first time." I was secretly delighted. I'd always wondered what it would feel like to have her soft, small body under mine. I positioned myself between her legs and took my weight on my elbows and forearms, framing her shoulders. I kissed her again, moving around until I found her entrance. She tilted her hips to give me better access and I slid in slowly. It was a super tight fit. I had to work my pelvis back and forth several times before managing to slide all the way in. We both groaned when I was fully embedded and I buried my nose in her neck, nuzzling her ear. I caught my breath and pulled back, staring into her eyes. Neither of said anything for a minute or so. We simply savored being in each other arms and finally being joined. I pulled back and began to thrust gently. She moaned, throwing her head back. I swiveled my hips as I stroked forward. This seemed to light her up, her groans growing louder as she matched my rhythm, meeting my thrusts, swiveling her own hips. Before long, I quickened my pace, spurred on by her lust-filled groaning. The sound drove me crazy. Fortunately, having come once already, I was not quick on the trigger this time. I was grateful. It would have been super embarrassing to lose it again so quickly. She whimpered and muttered, "Oh, oh, so wide! Jesus, you're stretching me to the max. Feels so good. Oh shit, Mulder, yes, oh God, fuck me." I groaned and continued to bury myself deeply and retreat, only to bury myself again, savoring the feeling. I reached down with one hand and hoisted her leg higher on my hip, changing the angle. Her eyes snapped open and widened at the new sensation. She curled toward me, her mouth open on a constant streaming moan. "Oh yeah, come for me, Scully." She did. I was right. I never could have imagined the feeling of her snug walls gripping me with a fierce stuttering rhythm. She shrieked, uncurled and arched her back. I kept stroking, biting my lip as I felt my orgasm coil at the base of my spine and grip my nuts. She shrieked in pleasure once again and then her body softened and relaxed. I watched as her lips parted on a soft sensual moan of satisfaction. I couldn't hold off anymore, and I pushed in deeply, holding still and burying my nose in her neck as my cock throbbed and released another gush of sperm into her still fluttering tunnel. Three more ejaculations rocked me until I was spent and I relaxed onto her soft, sweaty body. I leaned to the side to take my weight off her, careful not to crush her leg. She sighed and turned to me, cupping my face in her hands and kissing me so tenderly it almost made me cry. Then she whispered, "I love you too, Mulder." Well, damn. I did cry. I couldn't help it. Silent tears scudded hotly down my cheeks. She kissed them, and then brushed the remainder away with her thumbs. "That was fabulous," I said when I got myself under control. "Yes, it was. I'm sorry I have such a hard time expressing my emotions," she began. I pressed my fingers to her lips. "Shhh, it doesn't matter. As long as I know, you don't have to say it." "I want to say it." "I won't stop you," I said, smiling. "Everything still in focus?" she asked. "More than ever." She smiled and pushed me onto my back. Then she snuggled up to my side, resting her hand on my breastbone. I curled my hand around hers, placing it over my heart. "All yours," I said. She moved my hand to below her left breast. "All yours," she repeated. I maneuvered us under the covers and repositioned her at my side. "How about you?" I asked quietly. "Everything in focus now?" "Oh yeah. Must be the soft light in here." "What?" I asked, slightly confused, my brain still wallowing in post-coital lassitude. "Soft light, clear focus," she said sagely. I hugged her tightly to me and kissed her gently. If I could remember what was important, her, us, this, everything would be fine. I just had to remember to maintain my focus. THE END.